Erik Menendez is reflecting on his upbringing. 

In Netflix’s The Menendez Brothers, Erik shared that during his and his brother Lyle Menendez’s trial for the murder of their parents Jose Menendez and Mary Louise “Kitty” Menendez, a big part of the prosecutor’s argument was that the brothers—who were 18 and 21 respectively at the time of the killings—should’ve left their family’s home. 

“Why I didn’t run away was the central part of the trial and the district attorney constantly saying, ‘Well you had the opportunity to leave,’” Erik said in the documentary, released on Netflix Oct. 7. “I was groomed to know I could never get away. The idea had been whipped deep and trained into my brain—programmed into my brain to know I could never escape.”

Erik, along with Lyle, alleged that the 1989 murders of their parents had taken place out of self defense. The brothers claimed that they had been physically and sexually abused by their father for their entire lives, but due to Jose’s status in the entertainment industry, felt trapped in their family dynamic.